Audiobook Review: How It Feels to Float by Helena Fox

Image: Penguin Random House

How It Feels to Float by Helena Fox. Unabridged e-audiobook, ~10 hours. Read by Candace Moll. Listening Library/ Penguin Random House, May, 2019. 9781984885562. (Review of e-audio borrowed from public library. Arc courtesy of publisher.)

Seventeen-year-old Biz has a close relationship with her dad. She loves it when he sits at the foot of her bed and tells her stories about when she was born and her early childhood. The problem is that Biz's father died when she was seven. She lives with her mum and six-year-old twin brother and sister in Wollongong, Australia. 

She's indifferent about school. She has a best friend in Grace, whom she kissed, but Grace doesn't "like her like that." The two are nominally part of "The Posse," but more orbiting than central. There's a new boy named Jasper whom Biz finds intriguing though he doesn't seem to like her much. But then, he rescues her from the sea when she ventures out too far one night while partying in the dunes with her posse. 

Later, there is an incident in the dunes involving Tim, and Biz and Grace find themselves ostracized. Grace and Biz make some questionable choices and Grace is packed off to live far away with her father. The worst part is that Biz's dad stops visiting. So she goes in search of him. She thinks that if she visits the places where he was happy, she will find him.

I failed absolutely in my attempt to summarize this utterly devastating yet beautiful debut! How It Feels to Float is one of the best books depicting grief and mental illness I have ever read. Knock, knock! Morris Committee, Printz Committee? Are you listening? Oh, and Odyssey Committee! The audiobook is astounding. Candace Moll's performance is pitch perfect. 

Biz charms and compels from the start, but as the reader is drawn in, cracks begin in her facade and one begins to wonder if this is a work of magical realism. Then one wonders what is real besides her dad's ghost. Make no mistake, this is a harrowing read. Biz lives with a loving family, her siblings adore her and her mother is involved; but even she can't discern the depth of Biz's mental illness. She makes increasingly dangerous choices in her desperate quest to find her father. My heart was in my throat for much of the book. The resolution was hopefully realistic. No neat tidying up here. 

How It Feels to Float should be on everyone's to-read list. It's themes are a bit mature for my crowd at middle school, but it is a first-purchase for all high school and YA library collections.